Happy New Year

snow photoIt’s January the 24th, and I can’t believe the snow out there today.  It’s beautiful. Let’s sled.

There are a few things on this and next month’s agenda, for those interested or still following me here.

1. The 2015 Newbery and Caldecott awards will be announced on Monday, February 2, 2015.  Stay tuned for a post about some of the contenders this year and what I am guessing and hoping will take the gold.

2.  Our family took a trip, a driving trip, to the Florida Keys this past Christmas.  Our plan was to camp in Key West for about a week after driving in our minivan (yes, driving) from New York.  We though it would be an amazing vacation and a wonderful trip.  It turned out to be a horrifying vacation and a heinous trip.  Come back for a post about that trip, with images of accompanying mosquito bites, in a few weeks.

3.  My seven-year-old, with his newfound excitement and lust for the written word, realized this week that one can type words into the google and get lots of images.  This worked well for one-eyed newts and pictures of venus flytraps, but the other day he admitted he typed ‘brown-skinned penis’ into the search.  I will leave it to your imagination to wonder at the sites that made themselves available to my first grader.  That story, and my subsequent Dialogue With Ray, will be posted here soon as well.

4.  I am continuing work on my personal narrative, How to Thaw Your Unborn Children, as often as I can get to it.  I’ve stopped publishing it on the blog, but if you are new to my site you can see the first half of this story right here ——>. I anticipate completion of this long piece at the end of summer 2015.  Or 2034, whichever comes first.

5. Sometimes I worry that when I finish writing my current piece I won’t know what else to tackle, but then I think to myself: Thank goodness I am renting a small house out to college students.  There was of course the squirrel debacle of 2012 and the Epic Fight With a Twenty-One-Year old of 2013 (I should have put it on Buzzfeed — You’ll Never Believe the Outrageous Thing an Entitled College Student Said To His Breastfeeding Landlady!), but this year really tops the chart with tenant stories. January began with a splash with a spectacular house freeze and a free shower for all coming out of the joists in the basement of our rental unit.  Oh, well, at least the water was only pouring out of the pipes for the duration of the college intercession, a mere 5 weeks.  And what’s a washer/dryer among friends.  Or a new ceiling.  Look back to the site for stories like these and more…

6.  I’m also doing some scriptwriting in anticipation of producing some webisodes.  I’m fascinated with the idea of telling stories with images (who invented that one?) and am looking to shoot some shorts (very shorts indeed, to start) as soon as this summer.  Actors anyone?  Who knows lighting?  I’m hoping to audit a course this semester, if the professor will allow me in.  I wrote to him, but I admit he sounds skeptical.  I don’t blame him.  Would you want a forty-five-year old nursing mother of three-year-old twins in your intro to video classroom critiquing the work of other nineteen year olds?

Before I close here, I’d like to share an anecdote of late (famous bloggers are always talking about how your posts have to have a message, or a “takeaway”). A friend of mine was telling me about a shitty experience she had recently, and she closed out the conversation with something like, “I just can’t stand people, you know? I’m not a people person.”

I’ve been thinking about that one for a while because I hear this fairly regularly. People are assholes. People aren’t nice.  This person is a crappy person and I’m a programmer because I don’t like working with people.  The thing is, I told my friend, I really can’t agree with you.  Because you know what?  I freaking love people.  I don’t just like them a little, either — I love them.  Even if you are a complete jerk with nothing good to say about anything or anyone, even if you just called me a terrible name or gave me the finger at the traffic circle.  Person, I love you.  Where would we be without assholes?  We’d have no insurance adjustors, attorneys, roommates who have sex on the lower bunk while you lay there paralyzed or — not that I have any experience with this — parents of college students who think their children poop gardenias.  People, I love you.  Without you, there’d be no blog, no jokes, no stories, no outrageousness, no laughs.  Without being a people person I never would have had the chance to sit next to my grandmother’s day nurse at the facility and listen to her stories about how the gays have ruined the true meaning of love.  Without loving people, I’d never be able to share that afternoon back in 1982 when my uncle told me I was getting a little wide in the stern.  Thank you, uncle back in 1982!

Lots of love to you all, dear readers.  I wish you joy and peace and not too much dog pee on your rug or throw up in your hair in this fresh new year of arbitrary Christian calculations, 2015.


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